And now things start to come together

I can feel things coming together, but I can't yet put my finger on how.  My focus is shifting in a direction I am completely unfamiliar with, but excited and intrigued by.  That tells me that this must be a direction I am supposed to head... so I'm on the right track... but to where?  I have been searching for something meaningful to do with my life.  I've been presenting this question to the universe (and the online commmunity through my blog) and opportunities have come into my path that I had not expected but took the initiative to follow.

I am spending two weeks (last week and this week) immersing myself in an amazing well of inspiration.  As a result, I have engaged others more, offered to help in ways I might not have before, written more (a passion I had as a child and abandon long ago) and gotten into discussions I would normally avoid.  The experience has been liberating in many ways and I know I must follow this path to find what I am meant to be doing with my life in the near future.

I'm not a very spontaneous person, although some would argue otherwise.  For example, when I killed my car by trying to drive through a flooded area last year (I know... not smart Becky!!!), I went and bought a new (used, but new to me) car the next day.  Many people would call this spontaneous.  What they wouldn't know is that my old car was 13 years old with over 100,000 miles on it.  I had been thinking about a new car for several years... analyzing precisely what I wanted and didn't want.  When I went car shopping that day I had a very specific list and ended up with exactly what I wanted.  The same was true of buying a new phone.  I knew ahead of time what I wanted and didn't want and when my phone died, I bought a new one the very same day that was exactly what I wanted (ok... almost... I do still want an iPhone someday).  My point being, that although I seem impulsive and spontaneous, most of what I do in life is very deliberate, planned and well thought out.

So I guess this is my period of analyzing.  I am filling my head with knowledge, ideas, inspirations that will enevitably lead me to make a very deliberate descision... although it may seem rash to those of you following along.  I assure you it will not be.  The thing about being such a definative person though is that it's really scary for me to be in this period of uncertainty.  I don't like not knowing what's coming down the line.  I knew I would soon need a new car and a new phone... this is different.  This is like walking through a dark tunnel hoping to find a way out at the end... and I'm frightened, but at the same time excited.  It's so hard to explain the multitude of feelings running around inside me right now.

I am not looking for answers yet.... it's too soon.  But I thought this might help some of you who are lost on your journey through life understand that you are not alone.  At times we all feel the uncertainty, confusion, anticipation and expectation of what is ahead for us.  Hang in there though... the end of the tunnel is fast approaching and we need to be ready to walk out into the glorious sunlight!

The job hunt vs. the stimulant package... and the winner is... not me!

So, if you've read my previous posts, you know I'm currently out of work and looking for a job.  It's amazing how flooded the applicant pool is right now!  I do administrative work.  It's a field that transcends company type... every company needs someone to handle their bookkeeping, manage their files, etc.  I choose this field because it is something I am very good at and it's usually pretty easy to find a job to pay the bills... single motherhood ain't cheap!  So when I got laid off from the civil engineering firm I was working at, I thought, "No problem!  I'll be back to work in a couple months at most."  That was 8 months ago and I'm still barely getting a hit on my resume. 

It's not that I'm not trying.  I send out over a hundred resumes a week for jobs I know I'm qualified or over-qualified for, and still, the most I usually receive is an automated email stating they might not get back to me because they have too many applicants to address each individual.

Enter that wonderful stimilus the government put out to increase jobs.  The money is earmarked for municipal improvements though.  You would think that would mean municipalities would be hiring more administrative professionals to handle all that paperwork, but no... they aren't.  What is happening is they are giving their already tired, cranky, overworked and underpaid employees a huge additional bunch of stuff to do and all these wonderful projects that are supposed to move our economy forward are backlogged and stuck behind a huge wall of red tape!  When a job finally does get out there... it's the people who are still left working that are raking in the money.  Comapnies are too scared of not getting another job afterwards to hire new employees or rehire those who are laid off.  So those who are working are complaining about their horrid workload and those of us not working are screaming, "I'll help you!" to the brick wall that is corporate America.  It's extremely frustrating!!!

I don't like being on unemployment.  I want a job, an income, something to do each day!  The stimulus package in my opinion didn't do a darn thing to help those of us out there looking for work.  Things are still as bleak as they were last year. 

But in having to get creative, my job search has lead me to find some pretty interesting things out there.  For example, there is actually someone willing to pay me $50 an hour to take photos of my feet (nothing sexual involved apparently)!  Now, I would guess this person has a fetish since the ad said the photos were for personal use, but do I care?  I walk around with exposed feet pretty often and never thought about who might be secretly photographing them.  Then there's the monthly party that apparently takes place in my own neighborhood that is looking for girls to walk around naked each time... at $200 an hour!  No thanks... but I am very curious as to which of my neighbors is doing this!!  Then there's the one-time job I took teaching a class on how to use Craigslist at the local library.  Could this turn into something or lead me to a new connection... we'll have to see.

So you see, my job search hasn't been boring... it's just been unproductive.  I guess I just needed to vent after yet another long day of searching without luck.  If any of you readers know of something I might be qualified for, please let me know... or I may be searching forever!