I take offense to the fact that you're offended

Why do we do it?  Why do we personalize every little thing others say and find ways to take offense in each little word they utter?  Are we that bored in our lives that we have nothing better to do than pick apart the comments of others?  Perhaps it's unavoidable... perhaps we have to be offended all the time, about everything... but perhaps we don't?  I'm back on my soapbox today and now, I'm offended.  I'm offended that everyone else is offended.

Our current society celebrates the offensive.  Look at TV ratings and movie ticket sales... Americans (I'm from America, so I'm sticking to what I know) are obsessed with the offensive.  We celebrate the Simpsons, Family Guy, Jerry Springer, etc.  The more offensive they get, the more of us watch.   We create falsely dramatic reality tv shows that cause us to ignore our own reality to run home and watch to see what the most obnoxios individuals will do this week.  We celebrate movies as hilarious that can't offer any form of intelligence, only explicit language and body, sex and fart humor.  I hear a lot of people say show like the Simpsons are extremely brilliant... bullshit... it's writers simply have to look at what will offend the most people on any given day to get them the good ratings.

I think I should clarify here that I am not including myself in this "us/we"... I actually choose NOT to watch these types of shows.  It's not that I find them shocking or horrifying, it's that I simply don't find them funny or entertaining at all.  I also see these types of shows as being a huge problem for our society in general.

Despite the fact, that we should be completely desensitized to this offensiveness with it being thrust in our face at every turn, we seem to be becoming more sensitive to it instead.  It's no wonder the world is in constant turmoil and we are currently going through a global crisis.  Religious groups find reasons to be offended by eachother... usually focusing on a moment in history so long ago that we can't even name a single one of our ancestors that was involved.  Races find reasons to offend eachother... again based on history, although sometimes more recent, and acts that the person you're talking to likely had nothing to do with.  Countries find eachother intollerable and offensive.... it is no longer ok for a country we can't stand to exist in their own space... with the globe being so accessible, we can now offend eachother from halfway around the world in an instant.  Political groups no longer simply disagree, they offend.  Men offend women and vice versa.  Companies whose practices and policies we don't agree with are now offensive to us on an individual level. 

Herein lies the problem. It's not usually personal, and yet people have become so quick to internalize these things and take on a personal crusade to abolish that which they now find offensive.  In a world with so much trouble, do we really need to use every potential catalyst to stir up more?  I prefer not to.  It's actually pretty difficult to offend me.  I try to avoid interjecting things in my life that will cause to me to be offended.  I also try not to personalize things unless they are meant to be personal.  If someone says something offensive to me, I will call them on it.  If they make a comment I don't agree with, I may debate it (sometimes at length), but I will not be offended unless the debate turns personal.  Some things just aren't meant to be personal.  In this time of global interconnectedness, it's usally easy to use cyclical thinking to say that something is personal that really isn't. 

I'm going to give a recent example that many people will probably try to argue with me about.... AIG and their corporate salaries and bonuses.  Many people would say that AIG giving out huge corporate salaries while accepting federal aid is offensive.  They would argue that it is their tax dollars and is therefore personal to them.  They will read into this occurance until they find a reason to be offended.  And why shouldn't they?  The news media told us repeatedly that we should be offended.  Politicians who were against the bail out remind us constantly how offensive these salaries and bonuses are to each of us.  So how can I use this as an example and say I don't find it offensive... easy... I'm not offended.  Yes, I pay those same taxes, but the amount of my tax dollars that went to AIG would probably not amount to 1 dinner for my family.  Plus, AIG is a corporation... one I wouldn't mind working for if they're paying so well.  As for the government officials who made the choice... I'm a registered voter and US citizen and I have the power to vote them out of office, run for office myself, and even to campaign to get someone I believe in elected.  The AIG mess is a definate point of debate.  In my opinion it was not a wise move to loan them money without more restrictions.  It's just not offensive.

If we want this world to be a better place, we need to stop focusing so much on the offensive and focus on not offending.  Let's move towards being part of the solution instead of adding more ammunition to the problem.  Next time something offends you, think about how it personally effects you and if it doesn't, find a way to turn that false feeling of offense into positive action.  Instead of being the one bitching about the problem, be one of the few working to come up with a solution.  Listen to other points of view, debate the issue, and discuss the merits of your agruements.  We have far more potential if we work to understand others instead of rushing to be offended by them.

As I close out this little moment of venting on my soapbox, I would like to say that the title and beginning of this blog are wrong.  I am not actually offended by people who are offended.  It just occured to me that people who are always offended would look for more reasons to be offended and be more likely to read my point of view on the matter.  You control how you respond to any given situation ofr stimulous.  Do you really want to pend your entire life feeling offended by people, places and things?  You get back the type of energy you put into the world... make it happy and positive if you want a happy and positive life.

Invasion of privacy vs. good parenting

This issue is becoming more and more popular and I'm not entirely sure why.  People are arguing that it is an invasion of privacy to read texts on your kids' phones, check out their Facebook/MySpace pages, check out their call logs on the cells.  Since when?!?!  I am their parent; I provide these technological gizmos; and it's my job to help them use them in a somewhat responsible manner.  Now, I'm advocating helicopter parenting here, or sneaking around in secret reading your kids' diary, just common sense and a little parental monitoring to keep our kids safe. 

Here's how things work in my house, perhaps you'll find something that will help you decide how things will work in yours. 

CELL PHONES: I have 4 kids (ages 11-14).  These 4 kids share 2 cell phones.  When I gave them the cell phones they had unlimited texting and very limited minutes for calling.  They knew from the time I gave them the phones that at any minute I might ask to see those phones.  I do this maybe once every couple months... at completely random times.  I will simply say, "Text check time... give me your phone."  They hand over the phone and I read through the texts on there.  What I'm looking for are red flags to dangerous situations or major issues.  I'm not monitoring their language (which is usually worse than a sailor's), or making judgements on the humerous forwards they receive and send, or limiting their ability to be themselves in their texts.  If I see something that concerns me, we'll talk about it... for example, why it might not be a good idea for one of my daughters to send a majorly sexual themed forward to a bunch of boys.  I don't get mad... we just talk.  I also update their contact list for my records.  Yes, I keep a list of all their friends' numbers.  If they are ever missing, I will have a great database to look for them...  I don't use these numbers for any other reason.  My kids don't consider this an invasion of their privacy... it is simple one of the things that they have to do in order to use their phone.  I also require them to charge their phones in my room overnight and they are not allowed to take them to school without special permission.  They complain about it once in a while... "We're the only kids that don't get to have a phone in school!", or "But my friends don't start texting until after midnight!".  I can tell you, when I was in school (before cell phones) I was not allowed to use the phone after curfew or leave class to go make a phone call.  It's common sense.  They don't need 24/7 access to this technological tool.

SOCIAL NETWORKS: Then there's online social networks... Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc.  I have them all myself and don't think there is anything inherently wrong with them.  There are many people (adults and kids alike) who misuse them and put themselves in danger every day.  It's my opinion that kids need to be taught how to properly use this technology for fun without putting themselves at risk before they leave the safety net of living at home.  My kids are allowed a Facebook page age 14 and (if all goes well) a MySpace page at age 16.  The rules are that I must be added as a friend immediately and I must be given the password (they are allowed to change this without telling me when they turn 18).  I check their pages in the same way I check their cell phones.  I do this right in front of them and we discuss anything that might be of concern.  For example, photos of the girls and their friends that are completely innocent (and adorable), might not be appropriate for the internet.  I teach them to view the photos they post online through the eyes of a 40-year-old pedifile.  I don't care how private you set your profile, this is just plain common sense... and yet it's something they can't really be taught anywhere else.  I caught the kids trying to start MySpace pages early and made sure the grounding was enough to deter them from trying it again.  To them, it just isn't worth the risk... especially since they know I'm periodically monitoring these sites.  But I didn't just yell and ground them.  We discussed in detail why they shouldn't be doing this and in the end, they agreed (or al least... they said they did... lol!).

CREATIVE PUNISHMENTS: My favorite "punishment" is for them to prepare for a debate against me on the issue.  In this debate, I take the kid side and they take the parental side.  In effect, they are trying to convince me (and their siblings... our audience) of why the behavior is not appropriate.  They are grounded until they win the debate.  If they do enough research and convince themselves that something is "wrong", they are much more likely not to go sneaking around to do it and they are armed with arguements to defend themselves against peer pressure.  It's a pretty effective method when dealing with difficult issues.  I also give them option to change house rules in this same way.  They let me know ahead of time and we debate the issue.  If they can convince me the rule should be changed, I will consider it. 

My ultimate job as a parent is to prepare them for the world.  How can they function in the world if I control every aspect of their life and don't let them think for themselves?  It's just not possible.  My kids will fail... they will make mistakes (some that they regret more than others)... they will stumble through obstacles they don't fully understand... and all the while, I will support them and provide a life raft for them to hold on to when the water gets a bit too choppy.  In the end, hopefully they will succeed at becoming the best version of their own individuality and live the lives they were meant to live.

Help! There's a phone in my ear!

There's a new law in Illinois regarding driving and cell phones.  It is now illegal to text on your cell or talk on the phone without using an earpiece while you are driving.  Now, I am all for getting distracted idiots off the road, but I'm not liking this law at all.  First of all, the distracted drivers won't be driving any better because they will either be ignoring the law or distracted by something else.  They will be distracted by the radio, the fancy car on the other side of the road, the adorable kitten in the yard they just passed, etc.  The problem is not the phone... the problem is the person using the phone.  If you are a good driver, you pay attention to hundreds of details while driving... the phone is just one more.  If you are easily distracted while driving, you are an accident waiting to happen... phone or not.

For another thing, I hate cell phone ear pieces.  I see people walking around wearing them all day like they are some kind of new fashion accessory.  People... it is for talking on the phone!  If you aren't talking on the phone take it out of your ear!!!  And I really can't stand when you are in a room with someone and they are talking to someone else on the earpiece.  At least when someone is talking on a handset you can see them holding the phone to their ear and know that they aren't talking to you. 

Today I was driving and noticed a very interesting thing.  As I looked at the drivers around me, I noticed that about half of them were still talking or texting on their cell phone handsets.  The most obvious (and incredibly disturbing) case of this was a funeral procession that passed me going the other way.  All but 2 of the 20 drivers (including the guy driving the hearse!!) were on their cell phones... at a funeral... what the hell is that about!?!?!  

With all the driving I do, I want to be able to make effective use of my time and get some quick calls in.  I guess I'll have to give in and get an earpiece.  The problem is... I want to switch phones at some point and I hate having to buy new accessories every time I do this... new case, new car charger and now, new earpices...yuck!  I've been eyeing an iPhone for a couple years now with a few obstacles in my way.  There's the price...YIKES!  The fact that you have to have AT&T... although I could switch with their new unlimited promotion... it's a pretty good deal and it would make the phone a lot cheaper too.  The storage space is limited, but it's much better than it was. 

But now, I have to buy an earpiece for the phone I've already got... cutting into my savings for my next phone and putting it off that much longer.  I guess I'll head to AT&T and investigate.  Maybe I should just go for the iPhone now and save myself all the hassles.  Ugh.  I've only had my phone a few months... I finally got everything set the way I want it.  Stupid IL laws... first the smoking inside thing... now this... they should give us the elecronic cigarettes and the earpieces.  But the way things are going, pretty soon none of us will be able to leave the house without written permission from the governer.  Grrr!

The job hunt vs. the stimulant package... and the winner is... not me!

So, if you've read my previous posts, you know I'm currently out of work and looking for a job.  It's amazing how flooded the applicant pool is right now!  I do administrative work.  It's a field that transcends company type... every company needs someone to handle their bookkeeping, manage their files, etc.  I choose this field because it is something I am very good at and it's usually pretty easy to find a job to pay the bills... single motherhood ain't cheap!  So when I got laid off from the civil engineering firm I was working at, I thought, "No problem!  I'll be back to work in a couple months at most."  That was 8 months ago and I'm still barely getting a hit on my resume. 

It's not that I'm not trying.  I send out over a hundred resumes a week for jobs I know I'm qualified or over-qualified for, and still, the most I usually receive is an automated email stating they might not get back to me because they have too many applicants to address each individual.

Enter that wonderful stimilus the government put out to increase jobs.  The money is earmarked for municipal improvements though.  You would think that would mean municipalities would be hiring more administrative professionals to handle all that paperwork, but no... they aren't.  What is happening is they are giving their already tired, cranky, overworked and underpaid employees a huge additional bunch of stuff to do and all these wonderful projects that are supposed to move our economy forward are backlogged and stuck behind a huge wall of red tape!  When a job finally does get out there... it's the people who are still left working that are raking in the money.  Comapnies are too scared of not getting another job afterwards to hire new employees or rehire those who are laid off.  So those who are working are complaining about their horrid workload and those of us not working are screaming, "I'll help you!" to the brick wall that is corporate America.  It's extremely frustrating!!!

I don't like being on unemployment.  I want a job, an income, something to do each day!  The stimulus package in my opinion didn't do a darn thing to help those of us out there looking for work.  Things are still as bleak as they were last year. 

But in having to get creative, my job search has lead me to find some pretty interesting things out there.  For example, there is actually someone willing to pay me $50 an hour to take photos of my feet (nothing sexual involved apparently)!  Now, I would guess this person has a fetish since the ad said the photos were for personal use, but do I care?  I walk around with exposed feet pretty often and never thought about who might be secretly photographing them.  Then there's the monthly party that apparently takes place in my own neighborhood that is looking for girls to walk around naked each time... at $200 an hour!  No thanks... but I am very curious as to which of my neighbors is doing this!!  Then there's the one-time job I took teaching a class on how to use Craigslist at the local library.  Could this turn into something or lead me to a new connection... we'll have to see.

So you see, my job search hasn't been boring... it's just been unproductive.  I guess I just needed to vent after yet another long day of searching without luck.  If any of you readers know of something I might be qualified for, please let me know... or I may be searching forever!