My Car vs the DMV... I think my car is possessed!

 My car has a mind of it's own and apparently it has made up it's mind that it does not want a valid license plate.  It has been battling with the Seretary of State's (SOS) office, License Plate Division, since I bought it almost a year and a half ago and apprently is not ready to give up the fight quite yet. 

In September of 2009, I managed to kill my 11-year old minivan by trying to drive it through a large body of water... I know... not a smart idea.  Later that week, after all attempts to revive the minivan had been unsuccessful, I purchased my seafoam green 5-year old Chevy Trailblazer.  The death of the minivan and subsequent purchase of the Trailblazer occured two states away from home and it was an enlightening experience in many ways.  But that's not what our little story here is about.  This is the story of what my Trailblazer has been up to since that time.

Since I bought the car in another state they told me it could take up to a month to get the title transfered to my state.  They gave me a temporary plate from the dealer that was set to expire one month from the purchase date of the car.  A week later my boyfriend bought a car and got his plates that same day... I was so jealous!  A month came and went and there had apparently been no progress made on the title transfer... it was bogged down in red tape somewhere in one of the state offices.  This didn't bother me much, except that my temporary plate had the expiration date written on it in big giant black marker and I really didn't want to get pulled over.  So, I called the dealer and asked for a new temporary plate.  That is when the fun began.  The dealer said they couldn't give me a new plate because that would be illegal and assured me that they had sent everything to my State office and it should all be resolved shortly.  This didn't sit too well with me, so I went to my local Department of Motor Vehicles (ah, the DMV... always a fun errand) to find out what the State was doing with my title (my first assumption was paper airplanes, but I still can't confirm this).  The DMV told me it could take several months to process everything and that the dealer had to give me a new temporary plate.  The popular rock and hard place saying was now coming to mind.  Fortunately, the people at the DMV were being especially helpful that day and called the dealer for me.  They arranged for me to get a new temporary plate (which I had to drive to the dealer, 2 states away, to get) and said everything would be fine.. until next month. 

This headache went on for over three months before the title was finally transfered and I was able to apply for real license plates.  Everytime I looked at my temporary plates, I got the feeling the car was giggling at me, but that would be crazy on my part, so I ignored it.  I got the license plates, installed them on my car and went on my happy, carefree way.

One week after getting my plates, I went to get in my car after working a full day to find it sitting there without license plates.  They had vanished while I was at work... mounting hardware included.  At this point, I think the car was out and out laughing at me, but I would get this fixed one way or another. 

The next day, I spent my lunch hour at the DMV getting a set of replacement plates with a new number.  These replacement plates have now been on my car for a year... which means they must be renewed.  You can renew license plates at any currency exchange around here, so I went to the closest one last Friday to get my renewal sticker.  Unfortunately, they were unable to find my current plate number in the system.  My old (disappeared) plate number was still in there, but since that wasn't the plate on the car they weren't able to renew anything.  I was going to have to head back to the DMV to get things corrected... yippee!

I drove to the DMV first thing Saturday morning.  You see, I had forgotten to get them renewed in time and my plates were 2 weeks overdue and now that I found out they were invalid, I was a little paranoid driving the car around.  If I got pulled over it would mean a huge headache and probably a court visit.  Upon arrival at the DMV Saturday morning, I discovered that Saturday was Washington's Birthday, which the DMV feels compelled to close for, despite the fact that they had already taken Lincoln's Birthday and President's Day off.  This means an entire weekend of driving around in a car with non-existant, invalid plates... not my idea of fun.

Today, I was finally able to get back to the DMV to get this corrected.  I had been there so much last year that the woman remembered me by name!  She and I had a good laugh about my car not wanting license plates and she said it would be easy to fix and I would be out the door in 5 minutes.  She updated my plate info, handed me a paper to take to the cashier and told me to come back to her after I paid so we could verify that the new plate was in the system.  You may think at this point that the DMV has finally outsmarted my car, but think again.  When I got to the cashier I was told they couldn't process the renewal because my car needed an emissions test!  The cashier said the first person I talked to could probably get me an extension and to go back and ask her.  Well,  to make a long story short (at this point that might not be possible), the computers on one side of the room at the DMV thought my car needed an emissions test, while the computers on the other side of the room disagreed.  I could see my car out the window grinning, thinking it had finally won.  After numerous trips back and forth across the room with various levels of supervisors, they finally called the main office in our state capitol and had to remove me entirely from the system and put me back in.  What should have taken 5 minutes had now taken almost an hour, but the DMV and I had finally beaten my car.  I rushed outside with my victory renewal sticker and placed it on the rear license plate.  I was finally driving a legally licensed car... a filthy legally licensed car.... I really needed to get it washed.

So, after all my turmoil at the DMV, I took my car over to the carwash to get spiffed up.  This particular car wash lets you sit in the driver's seat as your car is pulled through the tunnel and cleaned by various forms of hanging clothes and squirting water.  At the end of the tunnel there is a huge dryer your car passes through before exiting the car wash.  Just as I was getting to the dryer, I watched  from inside the car as my front license plate shot off the front of my car, arching high in the air like a projectile missile, before landing about 20 feet ahead of me.  This was just too much!  The car wash attendant handed me the plate through my window exclaiming, "You car must really not like it's license plates.  I've never seen that happen.  Usually if they fall off they just fall straight down but yours rocketed off the front of your car like it was shot from a cannon!"  I was too busy dissolving into fits of laughter to answer... if he only knew!

Tonight my car sits in the garage.  The front license plate is still inside the car on the passenger seat and I am sure my car is currently plotting the removal of the rear plate as well.  The DMV and I may have had a brief victory today, but my possessed car seems to be winning the war.

"Shamrock" Shakes for the Dairy-free Crowd

Malcolm and Jordan both love McDonald's Shamrock shakes (actually, so do all of us in the family), but less than half of a small shake has their dairy allergy causing their bodies to cry out in despair. I set out to try and find an alternative that I can make to help them get through this time of year and still be able to enjoy the shakes right along with us. Here are the 2 recipes (I like the second better, but it isn't exactly kid friendly)... it serves 2.

RECIPE 1 (Kid-friendly)

2 cups vanilla soy ice cream
1 1/4 cups soy milk
1/4 teaspoon mint extract
8 drops green food coloring

RECIPE 2 (Adults only)

2 cups vanilla soy ice cream
10 oz. Mint Liqueur
8 drops green food coloring

For both recipes: Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth.

I take offense to the fact that you're offended

Why do we do it?  Why do we personalize every little thing others say and find ways to take offense in each little word they utter?  Are we that bored in our lives that we have nothing better to do than pick apart the comments of others?  Perhaps it's unavoidable... perhaps we have to be offended all the time, about everything... but perhaps we don't?  I'm back on my soapbox today and now, I'm offended.  I'm offended that everyone else is offended.

Our current society celebrates the offensive.  Look at TV ratings and movie ticket sales... Americans (I'm from America, so I'm sticking to what I know) are obsessed with the offensive.  We celebrate the Simpsons, Family Guy, Jerry Springer, etc.  The more offensive they get, the more of us watch.   We create falsely dramatic reality tv shows that cause us to ignore our own reality to run home and watch to see what the most obnoxios individuals will do this week.  We celebrate movies as hilarious that can't offer any form of intelligence, only explicit language and body, sex and fart humor.  I hear a lot of people say show like the Simpsons are extremely brilliant... bullshit... it's writers simply have to look at what will offend the most people on any given day to get them the good ratings.

I think I should clarify here that I am not including myself in this "us/we"... I actually choose NOT to watch these types of shows.  It's not that I find them shocking or horrifying, it's that I simply don't find them funny or entertaining at all.  I also see these types of shows as being a huge problem for our society in general.

Despite the fact, that we should be completely desensitized to this offensiveness with it being thrust in our face at every turn, we seem to be becoming more sensitive to it instead.  It's no wonder the world is in constant turmoil and we are currently going through a global crisis.  Religious groups find reasons to be offended by eachother... usually focusing on a moment in history so long ago that we can't even name a single one of our ancestors that was involved.  Races find reasons to offend eachother... again based on history, although sometimes more recent, and acts that the person you're talking to likely had nothing to do with.  Countries find eachother intollerable and offensive.... it is no longer ok for a country we can't stand to exist in their own space... with the globe being so accessible, we can now offend eachother from halfway around the world in an instant.  Political groups no longer simply disagree, they offend.  Men offend women and vice versa.  Companies whose practices and policies we don't agree with are now offensive to us on an individual level. 

Herein lies the problem. It's not usually personal, and yet people have become so quick to internalize these things and take on a personal crusade to abolish that which they now find offensive.  In a world with so much trouble, do we really need to use every potential catalyst to stir up more?  I prefer not to.  It's actually pretty difficult to offend me.  I try to avoid interjecting things in my life that will cause to me to be offended.  I also try not to personalize things unless they are meant to be personal.  If someone says something offensive to me, I will call them on it.  If they make a comment I don't agree with, I may debate it (sometimes at length), but I will not be offended unless the debate turns personal.  Some things just aren't meant to be personal.  In this time of global interconnectedness, it's usally easy to use cyclical thinking to say that something is personal that really isn't. 

I'm going to give a recent example that many people will probably try to argue with me about.... AIG and their corporate salaries and bonuses.  Many people would say that AIG giving out huge corporate salaries while accepting federal aid is offensive.  They would argue that it is their tax dollars and is therefore personal to them.  They will read into this occurance until they find a reason to be offended.  And why shouldn't they?  The news media told us repeatedly that we should be offended.  Politicians who were against the bail out remind us constantly how offensive these salaries and bonuses are to each of us.  So how can I use this as an example and say I don't find it offensive... easy... I'm not offended.  Yes, I pay those same taxes, but the amount of my tax dollars that went to AIG would probably not amount to 1 dinner for my family.  Plus, AIG is a corporation... one I wouldn't mind working for if they're paying so well.  As for the government officials who made the choice... I'm a registered voter and US citizen and I have the power to vote them out of office, run for office myself, and even to campaign to get someone I believe in elected.  The AIG mess is a definate point of debate.  In my opinion it was not a wise move to loan them money without more restrictions.  It's just not offensive.

If we want this world to be a better place, we need to stop focusing so much on the offensive and focus on not offending.  Let's move towards being part of the solution instead of adding more ammunition to the problem.  Next time something offends you, think about how it personally effects you and if it doesn't, find a way to turn that false feeling of offense into positive action.  Instead of being the one bitching about the problem, be one of the few working to come up with a solution.  Listen to other points of view, debate the issue, and discuss the merits of your agruements.  We have far more potential if we work to understand others instead of rushing to be offended by them.

As I close out this little moment of venting on my soapbox, I would like to say that the title and beginning of this blog are wrong.  I am not actually offended by people who are offended.  It just occured to me that people who are always offended would look for more reasons to be offended and be more likely to read my point of view on the matter.  You control how you respond to any given situation ofr stimulous.  Do you really want to pend your entire life feeling offended by people, places and things?  You get back the type of energy you put into the world... make it happy and positive if you want a happy and positive life.

The golden hippo on a red velvet pillow can make you happy

Have you ever talked to someone who was so down in the dumps that you just couldn't bring them out of their blue mood?  Next time, try the "Golden hippo on a red velvet pillow" meditation.  I know right now many of you are thinking, "What the ____ (<--fill in the blank)?"  Well, this is just a little meditation technique that I developed that is guaranteed to get anyone out of a bad mood.  It has never failed me yet.  It works like this...

You start by telling your upset friend that you are going to help improve their mood with a little guided meditation.  You must say this in all seriousness and must remain completely serious throughout... no matter how much you might want to laugh.  Of course, using a really dramatic tone can help too.  Tell them to close their eyes and try to picture what you are saying.  Begin with, "I want you to visualize a gigantic golden hippo laying on a teeny weeny red velvet pillow..." 

If they aren't giggling at this point, continue adding as many obscure and strange references as they occur to you.  For example, "... while an angry pink and purple zebra feeds the hippo caramel grapes and a small monkey in a shriner's hat dances on it's head... and then suddenly in come the dancing strawberry bananas wearing whipped cream covered bath poufs as hats... stay with me, keep picturing all of this in your head... you hear a commotion coming from the back of a square circle and look up to see green tofu falling from the ceiling like orange snowflakes...."  You get the idea. 

Make your descriptions as far fetched, strange and unconnected as possible.  Add as many descriptive words as possible to make it easier to visualize, but don't use the usual descriptions... notice in the example above that the zebra isn't black and white, it's pink and purple.  The sheer absurdity of this will at least get someone out of a bad mood, if not have them rolling on the floor laughing.  The next time they're in a bad mood, just mentioning the "Golden hippo on a red velvet pillow" meditation will get them in a better mood.  If it doesn't, start all over again from scratch.  They will already be thinking of all the absurd things you said last time and it will work that much faster.

Give it a try next time a friend is in a bad mood (or try it on yourself to boost your mood) and experience for yourself the true genius of the huge golden hippo laying on a teeny tiny red velvet pillow.

Valentine's Day

Sometimes I wonder if I am the only female on the planet in a relationship who doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day.  I've never been a big fan.  Previously this has been a problem when I'm involved with someone, but I've finally found someone who also doesn't celebrate... although for much different reasons.  I watch my female friends  spend this time of the dropping hints everywhere their significant other might look about what gift would suitably express love... usually over-priced item that they will forget about before the beginning of March.  I also watch in silent amusement as many couples plan weekend retreats to romantic destinations... and get upset if everything doesn't turn out perfect.  I walk through seas of pink and red stuffed animals and chocolate boxes in every store I go to.  This year I can add that I am bombarded by Valentine's themed stuff online, especially on Facebook.  Am I complaining?  No.  I'm actually happy at this time of year for my friends who celebrate this holiday by cramming a years worth of romance into a 24-hour period.  I feel sympathy for the friends who aren't with someone and feel pressured at this time of year too.  I just choose not to take part in the hoopla.

If you've read this far you're probably wondering why I don't celebrate this mass hysteria day of red hearts, roses and chocolate.  I'm guessing you've come to the conclusion that I'm bitter, alone, have been hurt deeply or don't have a romantic bone in my body.  I assure you, none of these assumptions are correct.  I enjoy romance every bit as much as anyone else.  I relish the thought of romantic getaways with the man I love, scented rose petals, candles, frilly red lingerie, love themed cards and all the rest of it.  I'm not bitter about love and I'm with someone I love with all my heart.  I just believe that if you love someone, your expressions of that love should happen all the time, throughout the entire year, when the thought comes to you. 

In the past I've had a lot of guys say I would make the perfect girlfriend since they wouldn't have to celebrate Valentine's Day, but actually my way is harder.  In my world, every day is Valentine's Day.  Every day bring opportunities to express your love for the human being you've choosen to spend your life with.  If the idea occurs to you one day to bring that someone flowers, you should not have to wait for a Hallmark holiday to do it.  I expect little gestures of thoughtfulness and romance all the time.  It's easy to let someone off the hook for Valentine's Day when they express their love throughout the year.  There's no pressure that way to be romantic on a specific calendar day.  What if you're having a bad day, not in the mood, tired or cranky?  I prefer romantic gestures to come from the heart, and they don't have to be anything big.  It could be as simple as getting up to start the coffee maker because I'm not fully awake yet, or lighting me a cigarette when he lights one for himself, or turning off the tv and lighting a couple candles, or surprising me by hiding a card in my car where he knows I'll find it.  These are the things that make a love last through the years.  The big "love" holidays are nothing more than something to gossip about with your friends when you're comparing who's man is better than the rest.  By the way... I always win that arguement.  It seems that most of my friends who have big celebrations of love on anniversaries and romantic holidays don't get the daily expressions of love.  They get a day of forced romance that is then used to get out of any sort of romantic gesture for the remainder of the year.

So I will smile and bite my tongue and let my friends enjoy their special day... and who knows, we may do something romantic that day also if we're in the mood to, but I won't force or schedule it.  Hallmark doesn't run my life... I do!

For those of you who do celebrate, here are a few gift ideas to help you out. For those of you like me, feel free to use these ideas throughout the year!

For Flowers: Send Valentine's Day flowers & gifts from 1-800-FLOWERS.COM, order early & save!

For Jewelry: Fine Jewelry

If you can't cook and need food delivered: Just point, click and eat!

For romantic bath products and towels: Bath and Body Products at Apothica! and Great Gift Idea-Monogram Towels from TurkishTowels.com

And of course let's not forget chocolate: Find the Perfect Valentine's Day Gift at Chocolate.com

And for those who don't have a date yet, there's always Match.com: 5 Days Free with Match.com or Put Personalized Matching to Work for You

Malcolm's Soon-to-be-Famous Ham & Beans (with a Becky Twist!)

I posted this recipe for my friends on Facebook and decided to also share it with my blog readers too.  This tastes absolutely amazing!!!  You will need a 6-quart crock pot for this... minimum... and it will be totally full! This makes enough for at least 3 meals for a family of 4 and costs under $10 total! :)

INGREDIENTS:
1 small pkg each black beans, great northern white beans, red kidney beans (can also subsitute pinto, navy or any other favorite type of beans)
5 tsp powdered ham boullion (use beef if you can't find ham)
1 pound thick cut bacon (cut into 1" sqauare pieces)
1 pound cooked ham (cubed)
6 oz sliced shitake mushrooms
1 yellow onion (diced)
4-5 red potatoes (peeled and diced) <-- these are important!  They cut down the fart-factor after eating so many beans and make it possible to still hang out with the people you ate with... without nose plugs!!!

DIRECTIONS:
1. Prepare beans. You can either follow the package directions or use the quick prepare method. To quick prepare, place all beans together in a large pot, fill with water, bring to a boil, then turn the heat down to low and boil 1 hour.
2. Drain beans and place in crock pot with about 6 cups of water (leave about 2 inches room on the top) and boullion.
3. Heat in crock pot on high several hours (4-8)
4. Add remaining ingredients, stir and recover. Note: bacon can be put in raw as it will cook through very quickly in the hot water.
5. Turn crock pot down to low and cook another 8-12 hours.

Serve with warm corn bread smothered in butter (or non-dairy butter substitute in our house) and honey.  I also like to sprinkle shredded parmesan cheese on my ham & beans (and sometimes on the cornbread instead of honey).

Hush... don't tell a soul!

I started this blog a little over a month ago and made it public right off the bat.  People have been reading it and quite a few of you seem to like the way I put words together.. although I'm not sure I really do it any better than anyone else.  I am, however, noticing an interesting trend.  Depsite the fact that this blog is public (yep... anyone in the world with a computer and internet connection can read it), most of the comments and critiques have been private.  Now, I'm not telling you guys to stop sending me your thoughts that way if you're more comfortable... I enjoy reading them all... but I wanted to take the opportunity to let you all know that you are welcome to comment here as well.  

I have a little announcement to all of you who have kept up this far, or those who are just finding me for the first time.  I am going to attempt to write a book.  I have no idea about what yet, but I'll let you know as the process unfolds.  Because this is a daunting  process for me, I'm sure I'll be back here venting soon. I will also be doing a lot of writing outside the blog though, so please be patient if you don't see as many posts for a while.

Making a descision was my big task for the day.  Now that it's accomplished, I am off to enjoy Super Bowl weekend and let potential book topics roam around my skull for a few days. 

One last thing... GO COLTS!!

A feeling of interconnectedness... aka the universe tapping your shoulder and saying, "Yeah... that's the way to go!"

The feeling that I'm on the right path is getting stronger every day this week and now it seems the universe wants to let me know I'm on the right track... to where... I still have no idea!  This week has been amazing, but to fully understand it, I've got to go back to the beginning... when I was maybe 5 or 6.  Don't worry, I won't take all day... there are a few bruised knees I won't bother mentioning.  You don't necessarily have to follow along, but I need to really see the progression for myself... so come with me if you'd like.

When I was very young, I had a really good friend.  She had this older brother who was kind of a pain in the butt and not the nicest brother I've ever met.  He became obsessed with music very early on and finally stopped throwing pebbles at us and I (for reasons I couldn't fathom at the time) missed the attention.  Of course I still thought boys had cooties, but if they ever found a cure... he was the one I wanted to hang out with. :)  It was one of my first memorable crushes.  It was also one I never mentioned.... not ever... to anyone!  I was sure the little men in white coats would come take me away if anyone ever knew I had a crush... on a boy!!! 

Flash forward to college.  Music has been a steady part of my life and is now one of my minors.  I am immersed in the world of arts in a way I never have been before and loving it.  My taste in boys has changed drastically and although I appreciate musical talent, I don't want to date musicians... they're strange after all!  The boy from my childhood has vanished completely from memory and... good news... there are male business majors as far as the eye can see.  I get involved with the college radio station (and a few of those business majors in my spare time) and discover genres of music I didn't even know existed.  I am comletely in my element... except I hate school.  I had wanted to go to an arts school and ended up at a 4-year university instead.  My parents had told me this was a compromise, but I saw right through that!

Flash forward again to last year... see... I told you it would be quick.  I now have 4 kids, a man I love, a "career" as an administrative assistant that is going well but leaving me completely unfulfilled and a Facebook page. I got the Facebook page to reconnect with some high school friends... our 20th reunion is coming up.  I reconnect with my childhood friend (who is just as beautiful inside and out) and her brother (who has gone on to have an amazingly successful career on the business side of the music industry) on Facebook.  Don't worry... this isn't going to become some horrid Maury first-love reunion... the crush is gone and I have no designs on the brother whatsoever!  All I can say is that he has turned out to be a nice guy and we've had a few quick and extremely plutonic correspondences in the last year.

Then the unthinkable happens and I get laid off.  I say  unthinkable because I'd never been laid off before and never considered that to be a possibility.  But, I tend to look at these kind of things as the universe kicking my butt into gear and saying "it's time for you to get moving in another direction"... so I'm not too upset.  I do however wish the universe would be kind enough to provide a map when it does this, as I'm not accusomed to wandering blindly in the dark.  But with no map, no compass, no direction... I head out into the unknown.  And here is where I've been for the last 8 months.

These past couple weeks, the universe has taken pity on me and decided to at least provide a few signs that I am on the correct path.  I now believe the universe sent me that first crush so I would take notice all those years ago and remember this other human being (my friend's brother), because he is pivotal in all that has happened recently.  It is through him that I learned about the webinar series I'm attending.  Through the webinar, I have met some amazing individuals that actually think like me (sorry to you all... there is no known cure and I'm pretty sure it's worse than cooties).  Then tonight the real coincidences hit... cue the Twilight Zone music!!!  I met an individual through a post by the webinar hosts... who knows a friend of mine (who has nothing to do with the webinar series) that I know through my boyfriend... and who also somehow knows my friend's brother... and who also writes poetry (like I do) and plays music... and finally, who I am strangly feeling I was somehow meant to meet.  Again, there is no romance here... he is married and I am with the man of my dreams... but somehow all these unrelated pieces of my life are fitting together in a way they never have before and that is making me sit up and take some notice.

I don't understand how any of this relates to my path and I have no idea if any of the people mentioned here will continue to accompany my journey, but somehow this amazing interconnectedness has given me hope that the destination of my journey will be made clear to me sooner rather than later.  I now have the universal awareness that things are coming together... the path is right... and for the first time in a long time I am no longer afraid of what is ahead.  Bring it on!!!

And now things start to come together

I can feel things coming together, but I can't yet put my finger on how.  My focus is shifting in a direction I am completely unfamiliar with, but excited and intrigued by.  That tells me that this must be a direction I am supposed to head... so I'm on the right track... but to where?  I have been searching for something meaningful to do with my life.  I've been presenting this question to the universe (and the online commmunity through my blog) and opportunities have come into my path that I had not expected but took the initiative to follow.

I am spending two weeks (last week and this week) immersing myself in an amazing well of inspiration.  As a result, I have engaged others more, offered to help in ways I might not have before, written more (a passion I had as a child and abandon long ago) and gotten into discussions I would normally avoid.  The experience has been liberating in many ways and I know I must follow this path to find what I am meant to be doing with my life in the near future.

I'm not a very spontaneous person, although some would argue otherwise.  For example, when I killed my car by trying to drive through a flooded area last year (I know... not smart Becky!!!), I went and bought a new (used, but new to me) car the next day.  Many people would call this spontaneous.  What they wouldn't know is that my old car was 13 years old with over 100,000 miles on it.  I had been thinking about a new car for several years... analyzing precisely what I wanted and didn't want.  When I went car shopping that day I had a very specific list and ended up with exactly what I wanted.  The same was true of buying a new phone.  I knew ahead of time what I wanted and didn't want and when my phone died, I bought a new one the very same day that was exactly what I wanted (ok... almost... I do still want an iPhone someday).  My point being, that although I seem impulsive and spontaneous, most of what I do in life is very deliberate, planned and well thought out.

So I guess this is my period of analyzing.  I am filling my head with knowledge, ideas, inspirations that will enevitably lead me to make a very deliberate descision... although it may seem rash to those of you following along.  I assure you it will not be.  The thing about being such a definative person though is that it's really scary for me to be in this period of uncertainty.  I don't like not knowing what's coming down the line.  I knew I would soon need a new car and a new phone... this is different.  This is like walking through a dark tunnel hoping to find a way out at the end... and I'm frightened, but at the same time excited.  It's so hard to explain the multitude of feelings running around inside me right now.

I am not looking for answers yet.... it's too soon.  But I thought this might help some of you who are lost on your journey through life understand that you are not alone.  At times we all feel the uncertainty, confusion, anticipation and expectation of what is ahead for us.  Hang in there though... the end of the tunnel is fast approaching and we need to be ready to walk out into the glorious sunlight!