Saturday, December 26, 2009

An almost new year

Today was the day after Christmas.  I always seem to need a day to recouperate after such an exhausting holiday.  So, today was pajama day.  I always love pajama day.  The kids join me in my room and we watch movies, snack and just veg out all day long.  Some of my fondest memories with my kids have taken place on pajama day.  Today, we decided to watch the movie Julie and Julia.  I had originally picked up this movie to watch on my own... I figured it was kind of a chick flick and definately not something my kids (who range in age from 11-14) would like.  But they wanted to see it, so the 5 of us hunkered down and watched it... then we watched it again... and then we even watched it again.  It was such a fun, cute movie.  The girls and I loved the story and I think the boys just loved seeing all the food.  I highly recommend watching it... at least once anyway.

For me the movie had a bigger message.  You see... much like the character Julie, I have not been finding my life very fulfilling lately,  I've been missing something I can't really put my finger on.  So while the movie was running I found myself reflecting on 2009...

I was laid off in the late spring.  I've never been laid off from a job before.  It has been frighteneing, interesting, sometimes fun, and ultimately very depressing.  I did have a lot more freedom throughout the second half of the year to spend time with my kids in a way I really haven't gotten to since I went back to work.  That part was great.  I learned about the unemployment system and found that although it is difficult, with a positive attitude it's not too bad.  But mostly, I learned a lot about myself.  Unfortunately, I still don't know quite what to do with all I learned.  For example, I learned that I hate the career path I've been on.  I've been working in the administrative field for years because I'm good at it.  The problem is that I really don't like it.  I like to be creative and spontaneous, not stuck behind a computer every day.  The only problem being that as a single mom with 4 kids who is 37 years old, I have no idea how to pursue the things I would enjoy and still care for my family financially.  At the end of a long year, this has left me exhausted and unhappy.  I feel as though I have no direction anymore.  So, taking a lesson from the movie, I am starting a blog.  I'm not going to try and cook my way through a cookbook (I'm already a pretty decent cook... was even a finalist in the Pillsbury Bake Off one year), but I am going to write my thoughts and send them out into the void that is the internet.  Perhaps there I will find the answers I need to find myself again.  To those of you joining me on this journey... hang on... it might be a bumpy ride.

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