The golden hippo on a red velvet pillow can make you happy

Have you ever talked to someone who was so down in the dumps that you just couldn't bring them out of their blue mood?  Next time, try the "Golden hippo on a red velvet pillow" meditation.  I know right now many of you are thinking, "What the ____ (<--fill in the blank)?"  Well, this is just a little meditation technique that I developed that is guaranteed to get anyone out of a bad mood.  It has never failed me yet.  It works like this...

You start by telling your upset friend that you are going to help improve their mood with a little guided meditation.  You must say this in all seriousness and must remain completely serious throughout... no matter how much you might want to laugh.  Of course, using a really dramatic tone can help too.  Tell them to close their eyes and try to picture what you are saying.  Begin with, "I want you to visualize a gigantic golden hippo laying on a teeny weeny red velvet pillow..." 

If they aren't giggling at this point, continue adding as many obscure and strange references as they occur to you.  For example, "... while an angry pink and purple zebra feeds the hippo caramel grapes and a small monkey in a shriner's hat dances on it's head... and then suddenly in come the dancing strawberry bananas wearing whipped cream covered bath poufs as hats... stay with me, keep picturing all of this in your head... you hear a commotion coming from the back of a square circle and look up to see green tofu falling from the ceiling like orange snowflakes...."  You get the idea. 

Make your descriptions as far fetched, strange and unconnected as possible.  Add as many descriptive words as possible to make it easier to visualize, but don't use the usual descriptions... notice in the example above that the zebra isn't black and white, it's pink and purple.  The sheer absurdity of this will at least get someone out of a bad mood, if not have them rolling on the floor laughing.  The next time they're in a bad mood, just mentioning the "Golden hippo on a red velvet pillow" meditation will get them in a better mood.  If it doesn't, start all over again from scratch.  They will already be thinking of all the absurd things you said last time and it will work that much faster.

Give it a try next time a friend is in a bad mood (or try it on yourself to boost your mood) and experience for yourself the true genius of the huge golden hippo laying on a teeny tiny red velvet pillow.