Friday, January 8, 2010

Driving through snow...

Just about every weekend I drive 2 states away to spend the weekend with the love of my life.  It's always worth the trip, but the approx. 2 1/2 hour drive can sometimes be frustrating and downright scary.  Today eproves to be no exception.  There is a band of lake effect snow falling between me and my honey that has not stopped for over 10 days now.  I hate driving in snow and ice most of all.  I'm a safe driver, but there are some real idiots out there and the SUV surprisingly doesn't handle very well in this weather.  But if don't brave the snow, I don't get the prize at the end... a couple days with my honey. 

I've been in a long distance relationship for 4 1/2 years now and it's never easy.  When I'm here, I want to be there and when I'm there I usually feel guilty for not being here.  See, the kids don't always come with me and there are household chores that just aren't getting done because I am on the run constantly.  I finally get the suitcase unpacked and the laundry done from one weekend, when it's time to pack up and head out again.  It's exhausting and I'm always missing someone.  Most people who have tried the long-distance relationship thing will tell you it can't last longer than perhaps a year, maybe two.  So how have we made it so long without moving... I really have no idea.  For my part, I try to make our relationship a priority.  It is important to me and so I treat it that way.  I won't accept invitations to anything that might take away time from my relationship.  I've cancelled my extras here at home to make sure I'm spending lots of quality time with my kids during the week.  I sometimes wonder though if this seemingly endless holding pattern is leading anywhere... how do you plan for the unknown... how do you keep your mood positive when you feel so torn apart... how do you accomplish anything when you are stretched so thin that you barely have the energy to function on a normal daily basis?  I'm not 20 years old anymore and my energy reserves have been stretched to the ultimate limits for quite a while now.  I don't know how much longer I can keep at this pace.  I'm exhausted all the time, waking up with nightmares of car accidents almost every night, and crying a lot (which is very unlike me) for no apparent reason.  How do I fix me without giving up on one of the most important things in my life (something I just can't do)?!?!  Not really looking for an answer... just needed to vent a bit and relieve some stress.  I guess I'll just have make it work somehow.  I always have before.

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